Alternative forms of dispute resoultion save emotional and financial costs and are a first step to effective co-parenting for divorcing, divorced and never-married co-parents regardless of sexual orientation.

In the beginning, blogging/writing was helpful to my everyday existence. Then, it became a task that was hard to make happen. Since then, my husband has died unexpectedly and I find myself once again having the need to write and express myself. So, I consider this question: is writing only for times when the emotions are intense and need to be vented to anyone who will listen? For some, I know their best writing happens when there is a crisis or some emotional extreme that propels them into putting words to paper. I’m hoping to use this new found writing energy to complete a book proposal I started just over 2 years ago on effective co-parenting through and after divorce regardless of the sexual orientation of the parents. For me, the immediate crisis is over but I am finding this new journey of single parenting teenage boys a time for reflection and writing and hopeful eventual new path for me as a single adult. I look forward to sharing my journey with those who wish to join me.

 

Trust is essential for a relationship to be successful. We need to trust that in the relationship, secrets shared remain treasured. We need to trust that the person we are loyal to will remain loyal to us. We need to trust that the person we love, loves us unconditionally, and will be there for us no matter what, unless we violate their trust. A relationship can be made and succeed or broken and fail depending on the trust. Trust . . .

I wonder why some people continue to hang on to their anger towards their ex-spouse one, two, three, or even more years from the time the divorce becomes final. What does all that anger and hostility really accomplish? Can a person really every move on with their life if they remain angry?

In previous posts I have talked about the underlying emotions of disappointment, frustration and hurt when a relationship ends. However, it is becoming increasingly clear, that if someone is healthy, these emotions subside over time and a person learns how to get on with their life. Understandably, if the same wounds continue to occur over and over again, especially when their are children involved, it is harder to heal from these emotions and move forward.

Nonetheless, when a person chooses not to look at their role in the relationship breakup and always blames the other person, it is possible to conclude that that person is suffering from some form of a narcissistic personality trait and possibly a full blown disorder. Abusers (regardless of the form of abuse — physical, sexual, emotional, financial, etc.) are narcissistic. Addicts are narcissistic.

How is the other person to interact with such a person? The best way is not to engage with them at all. However, if their are children involved, it is almost impossible to avoid this. One suggestion is to only communicate by e-mail and copy (or blind copy) a trusted individual or professional on the exchange for protection. The negative about e-mail is that there is always the possibility of misinterpretation of what is written. With that in mind, it is always good to ask for clarification about anything that you are unsure about before responding. Another suggestion is to request a Parenting Coordinator or Mediator  to work with both of you once the divorce becomes final. More information about parenting coordination and mediation can be found on my website at http://www.crainemediation.com .

Please let me know your thoughts on this topic and what your experiences have been.

Same Sex Marriage

So, the Supreme Court has said that same sex marriage should be legal in all 50 States. What does this mean for you and your relationship? Will you marry? Will you stay co-habituating? In Michigan, 350 + marriages were performed on that one Saturday when same sex marriages became legal, then were banned. Those marriages were subsequently upheld, but future marriages were denied until the Supreme Court ruling. From those initial marriages, there have already been at least 2 divorces. What will the divorce rate be for same sex marriages? Will it be the same as for heterosexual marriages? What about the children? Will divorce laws change as a result of the same sex marriage, and should they change?

What are your thoughts?

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Parent to Parent: Oncology Parent Sharing

I started this blog to offer a place for parents of pediatric cancer patients to share feelings and thoughts with each other and offer support to one another. In this post, I will share my family’s story and hope that other families will share their stories as well. In future posts, I will continue to share my family’s journey in the hopes that it will help even just one family. Other future posts will include sharing my professional knowledge (I am a social worker in private practice) about loss and grief and information about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (something I believe that all families dealing and copying with childhood cancer, or any other major illness, experiences). Another goal is to share coping skills that have worked and I look forward to reading what has, and has not, worked for others.

My family’s story begins back in April, 2014 when our…

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