Craine Counseling and Consulting Group provides counseling services, social work ethics consultations and social work ethics workshops in a variety of settings.

Posts tagged ‘divorce’

Why do affairs happen and how should they be handled?

It is my belief that an affair happens because people feel a disconnect with their romantic partner. As a result, they feel vulnerable and are more open to others pursuing them or they are more likely to pursue another. The person engaged in the affair and still in a relationship with another person may have already gone through the grieving process over the loss of the first relationship to some degree and cannot seem to share this grief with the person it needs to be shared with before attempting to move on. Perhaps it is a selfish need from low self-esteem to be in a new relationship before leaving the old one and to feel secure in the new one that prohibits the conversation that needs to happen from happening first. Regardless of the reasons that affairs happen, they really cause more harm than they need to. If is much healthier, and less impulsive, if a person who is feeling the disconnect, or the need to reconnect with someone new, to please let the person you are feeling disconnected know how you are feeling. You will either be facilitating a conversation towards healing a disconnected relationship and making it healthier or you are showing respect to everyone involved and allowing the two of you to disengage before you move on. Either way, the result is less hurt, feelings of betrayal and disappointment that are more likely to heal, and increased self-esteem.

What thoughts do you have an affairs?

What kind of energy do you invest in your relationships?

All relationships require us to use energy, either positive or negative.  The kind of energy we invest is likely the energy we will get back.  Talk a look at the energy you put into your relationships and see what comes back.  On the other hand, what happens if you receive negative energy from someone? Do you respond with negative energy through negative words or do you walk away?  or better, yet do you strive to respond with positive energy regardless of the negative that comes your way?  Nobody is perfect! We all are capable of responding with negative energy.  The question is where does it get us and what do we gain or lose in that scenario.  Only you can decide what kind of energy you should invest in your relationships, especially if you are co-parenting with someone.  Nonetheless, it is important to think about the kind of energy we want to attract from others. Keep in mind that you are only responsible for your own energy!


What does loss and grief have to do with effective co-parenting?

Loss is part of divorce or separation. There are many losses related to this. Grief is the set of emotions and stages that everyone goes through in a divorce or separation. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and at some point acceptance. We each go through these stages in a way, and in a time frame, that is logical for who we are and what our life experiences have been around loss and grief. However, if we do not work through these emotions in a way that is “healthy” it can negatively impact how we related to our ex-spouse or partner thereby having a detrimental effect on how we co-parent which can be harmful to the children involved. Please share your thoughts and experiences on this issue.




Ellen Craine  is divorce and family mediator in Oakland County, Michigan. She mediate at all stages of a divorce process and all kinds of family matters including Cohabitation and Separation Agreements for same-sex couples.  Ellen has a law degree and a Master’s Degree in Social Work. She has been a Social Worker since 1991, a mediator since 1996, and a parenting coordinator since 2007.  Currently, she is writing a book on co-parenting effectiveness for divorcing, divorced, and never-married co-parents including same-sex couples.