Craine Counseling and Consulting Group provides counseling services, social work ethics consultations and social work ethics workshops in a variety of settings.

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Why do affairs happen and how should they be handled?

It is my belief that an affair happens because people feel a disconnect with their romantic partner. As a result, they feel vulnerable and are more open to others pursuing them or they are more likely to pursue another. The person engaged in the affair and still in a relationship with another person may have already gone through the grieving process over the loss of the first relationship to some degree and cannot seem to share this grief with the person it needs to be shared with before attempting to move on. Perhaps it is a selfish need from low self-esteem to be in a new relationship before leaving the old one and to feel secure in the new one that prohibits the conversation that needs to happen from happening first. Regardless of the reasons that affairs happen, they really cause more harm than they need to. If is much healthier, and less impulsive, if a person who is feeling the disconnect, or the need to reconnect with someone new, to please let the person you are feeling disconnected know how you are feeling. You will either be facilitating a conversation towards healing a disconnected relationship and making it healthier or you are showing respect to everyone involved and allowing the two of you to disengage before you move on. Either way, the result is less hurt, feelings of betrayal and disappointment that are more likely to heal, and increased self-esteem.

What thoughts do you have an affairs?

DON’T ASSUME . . . How to communicate even if the other person doesn’t.

You know the old saying that when you assume something you make an ass out of u and me? What does this really mean?

Well, it means that we should strive to never take another person for granted.  Every person we encounter has some value in our life even if they are not communicating with us in a manner we wish to be communicated with.

It means that we should not think we know what the other person is thinking or really means when they say something and that the other person automatically understands or knows what we are thinking or what we really mean when we speak. 

It means that we must strive to always speak with clarity and intention. 

It means that we must always ask the other person if we are understanding what they are saying before we respond.

It means that we are listening to the other person more than we are speaking really trying to understand what they are trying to share with us in an effort to connect to another human being. 

Only then, can we truly come to hear another person and understand what they are trying to tell us and help us to understand them.  Only then, can we hope to have true communication with another even if they are struggling in their ability to hear and understand us.

All human beings struggle to communicate effectively. Some people are better at not assuming than others. With practice, we can all rise to the challenge and help improve the quality of our connections for ourselves and our children!

What kind of energy do you invest in your relationships?

All relationships require us to use energy, either positive or negative.  The kind of energy we invest is likely the energy we will get back.  Talk a look at the energy you put into your relationships and see what comes back.  On the other hand, what happens if you receive negative energy from someone? Do you respond with negative energy through negative words or do you walk away?  or better, yet do you strive to respond with positive energy regardless of the negative that comes your way?  Nobody is perfect! We all are capable of responding with negative energy.  The question is where does it get us and what do we gain or lose in that scenario.  Only you can decide what kind of energy you should invest in your relationships, especially if you are co-parenting with someone.  Nonetheless, it is important to think about the kind of energy we want to attract from others. Keep in mind that you are only responsible for your own energy!